It's getting harder to breathe as time passes........

FEbuary 4 2006 , 2:30 am i encountered the fourst death of someone close to me.
pepper died
he ran out as my brother's friends were going out.
He went out to chase rabbits and got hit by a car, borke his backa nd died instantly without any pain.
but he died all alone
for the last 14 months everytime, something went wrong he was there for me. He would just come and sit on my lap and look at me
so how come when he died he was all alone
he was my baby, i brought him home when he was smaller than my brother's sock. How come i didn't save him
it was my job to protect him and i failed miserably. i was supposed to take care of him and i didn't. I can never forgive myself for that.
I love him more than anything else in the world.
How could i just let him die? He was my responsibility.
He was the sweetest, purest nicest creature that ever came across me.
When he died, i kissed him as he was wrapped in the blanket and apologised.
I keep waiting for him to start barking or come up to me or ask for food.....but that never happens.
It's an amzingly hard concept to realize....mortality